Choosing To Share My Private Journey – A Transparent Update
Privacy is a major concern for many people using social networks. Choosing how much of your personal life to spill into your work life through social networks is up to each individual.
In the context of how transparent to be on Facebook and Twitter, back in February 2008, I wrote about these three areas of life: personal, professional, and private. Today, for a specific reason, I am choosing to move the personal | private line:
When is it appropriate to share more?
For so many of us, our personal lives become inextricably linked with our professional lives. Who we are is our business, our business is us.
However, I always maintain we must still have a private life and choose only to share those things we are truly comfortable with: (1) being on the front page of the New York Times, (2) found in a Google search, and/or (3) proud for our children/grandchildren to see in years to come.
So, when is it appropriate to reveal more? …When your private life doesn’t feel completely congruent with your life in the public eye.
That’s where I’m at right now, and so this may be the most personally transparent blog post I’ve written to date.
I believe in authentic communication and I’ve recently undergone such massive transition in my personal life that it just doesn’t feel right not to share myself more openly with my community at large. One of the main reasons I’m inspired to write this post is to share with you my commitment to authentic, heart-centered relationships – on both a personal and professional level.
Over the past several months, I realize many of my network perceive I’m still living in a motor home traveling the country with my husband, Ty. I was. Up until about September of last year when we returned to Southern California after an 18-month tour of the entire western US and Canada.
My personal journey…
Ty and I met in 1999 not long after I came to San Diego from Scotland, and we married in 2001. We enjoyed many wonderful experiences together, most certainly our mobile lifestyle. But we discovered differences over the years in our outlooks, goals and aspirations. After we returned from our travels, we gave much thought to the future of our relationship.
As I continued to work on myself and grow personally, stepping more fully into my inner power, strength and light, my business success became greater and greater… and I began to see that Ty and I were simply traveling different paths.
Once it became clear our marriage no longer served either of us, Ty and I separated earlier this year and last month we divorced. We put effort into a responsible and caring separation, and we are amicable about the transition.
This has not been an easy choice for me, but it feels like a true choice for Freedom. Since I had experienced divorce with my parents as a young child, I was reluctant to travel that road again. Even though I’ve done a lot of personal and professional development on myself, I still had non-supportive beliefs and patterns impacting my choices. I kept telling myself I was committed to a new standard of marriage. Now, I’ve realized I’m committed to a new standard of relating regardless of the form of the relationship.
Publishing personal changes on social network profiles
While I’ve been going through this transition over the past few months I kept wondering how I’d manage to change my relationship status on Facebook – and other social networking profiles – from married to single. (I did edit my privacy settings so the relationship change wouldn’t just suddenly go out in the News Feed of all my friends.)
Not only that, but I wondered how my network would respond to this news and, though I’ve shared with many close friends, I just wasn’t sure how to share en masse… or even if I needed to. But any time someone would tweet or write me through Facebook about my mobile lifestyle or husband, I didn’t know how to respond. So, that’s why I’ve chosen to write this post.
Given the very nature of social media and the times we are in right now, I just know it’s more in alignment with my truth and integrity to share this part of my journey with you now.
Resources that made a huge difference
I’m deeply grateful to many spiritual teachers whose work helped immensely to deepen my relationship with myself and bring out the higher meaning in my transition.
Ty and I were fortunate to have the support of Peaceful Divorce Expert, Belinda Rachman. She’s an exceptional mediator who specializes in “divorce-in-a-day,” based in Carlsbad, California.
There are also a few books that I’ve found most helpful not only in my marital transition but in embracing my success at a whole new level:
- The Big Leap – by Gay Hendricks. Incredible book about how we all have an “upper limit” of success, happiness, joy, love, finances and unconsciously sabotage ourselves when we reach that limit until we know how to breakthrough.
- The Secret Code of Success – by Noah St. John. Excellent book that shows how our fear of success is greater than our fear of failure and teaches specific steps on how to overcome this challenge. Great companion to The Big Leap!
- Spiritual Divorce – Debbie Ford. A book I bought years ago but was afraid to read. 😉 If you know anyone contemplating divorce, this is a superb book.
- How Do I Tell The Kids – Rosalind Sedacca. A beautiful storybook for couples with children; Roz’s book touched me deeply as an adult child of divorce, even though I don’t have children myself.
Letting our light shine!
I’ve always resonated with these beautiful, inspiring words by Marianne Williamson from her book A Return To Love, and they have helped me greatly most recently to really let my light shine:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
as children do.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us;
it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
Another gem from Marianne (I saw go by on Twitter recently): “Every change is a challenge to become who we really are.”
How has this impacted you?
My hope for you in reading this post is to feel inspired to live into YOUR deepest truth more fully. To know how powerful beyond measure you are and to step up and play a bigger game in life and business. The world needs you!
I’d love to hear your thoughts – please share how this post impacted you in the comments below.
Dear Mari Braveheart, You touched on universal truths even as personal as your message was and that nakedness is so nourishing. Every glimpse of honesty nudges further truth sharing that helps us all.
Since my divorce there’s been so much growth – not easy but great discoveries that enhance my life daily. The honesty stretches into generations as well – my son now has a better chance of knowing what a committed relationship can really be and how women have so many gifts to offer in the home and out. So, thank you for helping me see that and know that all is proceeding as it should. I send a heart full of light and sisterhood. With a ‘rolling namaste’, Love, Elaine, the Drivetime Yogagal.
Mari,
As I read your post and the comments that followed, what kept coming up for me is how much social networking, particular in a business context, is highly biased toward sharing positive news and thoughts. Sometimes following folks in Twitter, I think “these people can’t possibly be this happy all the time!” And like a lemming, I swim along with the positive tide, never sure when it is really OK to say I’m not having a great day, something bad happened or I am just feeling down.
On the other hand, on the few occasions when I have shared these not-so-great things in my life — I have found my social network to be unfailingly supportive, sincere in their understanding and sharing of uplifting thoughts. But then there is always a hesitation before sharing again…amd I just looking for sympathy? Or am I being authentic?
Maybe it’s just me? But I don’t think so…
Peace,
Terri Z
Hawaiians call it “koa” – courage. It takes tremendous courage to walk the path you are called to walk. And it takes “ikaika” – strength, to make the choices you’ve made to walk that path. I wish you warmest aloha as you continue your journey. Mahalo for taking us along with you as your companions and friends, and for trusting us with your most personal struggles and joys.
I look so forward to meeting you in person in Rancho Bernardo next month.
You are amazing!
~Yvonne
Your transparency touches my passionate soul. I’m in appreciation of your humbleness, clarity, authentic power and integrity to stay true to the woman of substance you are.
This is a huge lesson you’re sharing with us and we are so lucky to be the recipients of your wisdom, valor, courage and personal growth journey, even if painful. The resources are also amazing. It is through transparency and authenticity in Social Media, that you continue to build a successful tribe so that together, we continue to move forward to fulfill our intended purpose on this earth.
You have done this with grace, class and above all “honor”, to yourself, to your committments, to your future, and to the rest of us who care. That’s how you are letting your light shine! …and may it always shine bright, no matter what!
Hugs,
Ali
Mari,
Thank you for sharing your story and the list of helpful resources with all of us. what a wonderful example of turning a personal situation into a powerful learning experience.
I am always amazed by how we spend so much of our lives keeping huge parts of our journeys secret and in so doing, miss the opportunity to truly connect with others on a deep level. This year, I have witnessed several successful, powerful people share their darkest moments and I have always come away with love, admiration and a greater sense of connection–I now add you to that list.
Having spent a wonderful weekend with you and Ty, I know you are both special people. I admire the courage and grace with which you ended your relationship and your beautiful sharing of that story.
Sending you love and peace on your new journey,
Julia Mattern
Mari, you are a wonderful example of practicing what you preach! Thank you for your continued inspiration to share openly and honestly with internet networks. I agree that it’s important and even though it’s not the easiest thing to do all the time, I greatly admire the way you do it anyway! Congratulations on your decision to move yourself forward. I look forward to hearing more about where you land and your continued (amazing) success.
Mari, I have always been impressed (from the get go) with the open, caring, genuine presence you have cultivated online. Even though I have not met you in person yet, I get who you are – someone who walks her talk. I see your friendliness extended to anyone who reaches out to you whether they are a “name” or not. It was such fun for me to find you a fellow Canadian (fellow Beautiful BC-er even!) and to swap some messages with you early on when I first hit Facebook and Twitter. Your generosity in sharing your knowledge about social media, in general and in particular, has steered me in the right direction more than once, and I thank you.
Divorce has hit so many of us, and some multiple times, whether as a child or an adult. And some of us have let our own losses add to our compassion in walking alongside those in the throes of it. Even though it is a private journey, it does become public knowledge when you stop wearing that wedding ring and no longer are seen with your former spouse or partner. Your sharing of your own change of status in this online community has taken courage and you’ve given it due process – you have done this tastefully and without blame.
I did miss you awhile back when you said you were going (how did you say) underground or offline, and wondered how it was going for you. Now I’m glad to see you’re back in full force!
Congratulations, Mari, on taking the higher road and simply telling the truth.
Change itself is seldom simple, yet recognizing when to move on is key to creating the authentic life. As painful as endings may be, there is release and relief in acknowledging the truth of “what is”. You and Ty will both be better for letting go of what no longer serves or sustains you.
I wish you peace as you discover all the wonderful, unsettling, exhilarating, joyous, confusing, and satisfying new things your journey brings.
Oh, Mari — what a graceful and perfect way to share this. I struggle all the time with how much to share, and know firsthand about the divorce experience. At times I have not handled it with the tact and honesty that you have demonstrated here. Thank you for being a light and inspiration to us all. May you continue to grow by leaps and bounds, always seeking deeper truth. Welcome to the next and glorious chapter of your life. Love and light to you.
Mari,
I feel the need to honor the sadness I feel — anytime a committed relationship ends — but in particular when it happens to a couple I’ve held as an example my own vision of living a true adventure together. It sounds like you both were equally committed to a mature approach and mutually supportive transition. Life is poignant, no avoiding it. I wish you both the best. Odd how escaping in a motor home led to Facebook and being more socially connected than seems humanly possible. An amazing life is in store.